Getting it off my chest

Well I've been thinking about doing this for a long time. Always wondered what I'd say, if anyone would be interested in it, what other people would say........💥💣 Then I said SELF YOU ARE DOING THIS FOR YOU!!!! not anyone else. So with that being said. I'm a work in progress I'm not perfect I'm flawed, I fall short, and I make a LOT of mistakes. I still deserve to be treated with compassion, love, understanding, and trust. For a long time I felt that I wasn't I was so sad all I did was sit in my room and cry. Let me explain my regular 9-5 I work in Healthcare in an outpatient clinic. During the Covid Pandemic my office was closed and I was set to work the inpatient unit because the patient population was so high the regular staff just wasn't enough. Wouldn't you know I'm so lucky I ended up in the M.I.C.U. medical intensive care unit. The majority of those patients had Covid. Now let me first say I've NEVER worked inpatient a day in my life I had no idea what I was going to be doing or if I'd even make a difference. It ended up being A LOT better than I thought the staff helped me when I was lost, answered my questions when I asked they were like a little family tucked away in this locked Unit. These people despite being completely overworked came to work smiling, laughing, giving each other Holiday gifts! Even though one of the Nurses just worked a 12 hour shift they would stay another 4 to help the next shift, how could I not go in that place and give 100%. Also the reason I've never worked inpatient is because I get very, very attached to the patients. So seeing them pass away on a daily basis was starting to take its toll. I started going home every night and cry for the patients that passed away that day and the the next night I'd go home and cry for the ones that passed away when I wasn't there. Don't worry I never cried at work I made sure to keep a smile on my face and help whenever and whomever I could. They worked to hard for me to half ass( excuse the language couldn't think of another word 🤷‍♀️) it. But at home I just got sadder and sadder. It got so bad all I did was go to work and go home, no store didn't want to take anything into the hospital and get a patient sick or my coworkers. Didn't go see any Family for same reason and my daughter was pregnant at the time. Finally my Husband had enough and encouraged me to get Help. I did it was so good to have someone to talk to that was impartial, straightforward, and empathetic. She encouraged me to find a hobby to take my mind off of everything and just be, so around Christmas I was sitting in my room trying to figure out what to get my Friends for Christmas and BAM!!! I did try alot of other things first but Beading was it. I got on YOUTUBE University watched different videos got some ideas. Red a few crafting/beading books and that was all she wrote the fat lady started singing I found my outlet! And as you can see from the products I LOVE earrings so I love creating different pairs( hope you like them too😉). So welcome to my world just a fyi I'm also all over the place I still watch cartoons wayyyyy more than anything else. Can spend the day in the Hottest weather and be HAPPY( That's the Trini in me haha)..... stick around there's so much more.............😉 Nicky

Every day gets a little better and I'm even smiling again and its real😁😁😁😁😁


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